Current mood:	amused
Entry tags:	*fic, character: quil ateara, fandom: twilight, genre: crack, genre: general, genre: humor, rating: pg-13, ship: quil/angela, ship: quil/everyone

Quil Would Like to Live, Thanks
Title: Quil Would Like to Live, Thanks
Fandom: Twilight
Pairing: Quil/everyone, Quil/Angela
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 530
Summary: It's summer, and Quil is bored.
Author's Notes: Written for kaiwynn's Twilight Uncanon Drabble-a-thon. This is almost crack, and it's got colloquial narrative likewoah, but there's a reason; it's become a trend to kill off Quil during said drabble-a-thon, and while DEADQUIL has become really appealing, the poor boy needs to live a little bit. XD Also, do not expect lyrical, poetic brilliance. Like I said, it's almost crack.

Quil Would Like to Live, Thanks

It’s summer, and Quil is bored—and that can sometimes be the best or the worst combination. (Although today, he’s pretty sure it’s neutral.)

On summer days when Quil is bored, he generally likes to think about things that he wouldn’t normally think about. At least, in depth. Because right now, he’s thinking about girls; and girls are definitely a normal train of thought.

Except, because it’s summer, and because he’s bored, he thinks about different girls. Not the pretty ones from the rez, or the ones he sometimes runs into when he meanders over to Seattle. He thinks about the impossible ones.

Like Rosalie Hale, for instance. She’s hot—he’s not going to deny something that’s obviously true, even if she does smell like shi—death. She’s got perfect skin—well, of course—and gorgeous hair that maybe he could weave his fingers through for hours. Come closer, baby, and I’ll warm you up. But—oh, yeah. Apparently, she’s also got a husband that would probably rip Quil’s head off if he tried anything. And she strikes him as being the bloodthirsty type, anyway, so she’d probably get to him first.

So Quil moves on.

There’s Alice Cullen, of course, who also happens to be a vampire—well, what? They’re all hot. She’s petite and graceful and probably, he reflects, pretty flexible. She’s not the complete ice queen that Hale is, either, which is a bonus.

But then again, there’s the whole husband thing. (Do all freakin’ vampires get married, nowadays?)

Next, Quil’s mind drifts to Bella Swan…

…and leaves as quickly as possible.

It’s not even funny how screwed he’d be if he went there—what with both Jacob and Cullen being able to get into his head. (Still, he figures there’s got to be something really damn special about her, considering how many people say they’re in love with her.)

Maybe he’d be better off with a nice, Quileute girl.

Though of course, that makes him think of Emily, and she’s already the kind of taken that even he wouldn’t interfere with. (Not that he’s a complete scumbag or anything, because he’s not.)

Which then leads him to Leah, who’s mean and bitter and selfish and therefore not taken. She’s full of fire, sure, and she can be pretty when she wants to be, but she’d drive him six feet under probably just by her complaints alone.

Quil suddenly feels very nervous. He’s surrounded by girls, and they’re all very, very, very dangerous. It’s like, if he puts one toe out of line, or suffers just one lapse in judgment, he’s going to end up as a rug somewhere on somebody’s living room floor.

Quil shudders. He’d like to live, thanks, and rather enjoys not being scalped or skinned or whatever you want to call it.

And then he remembers.

Isn’t there that one girl that Bella sometimes hangs out with? The sweet one with the human boyfriend, which makes said boyfriend neither vampire, werewolf, nor zombie, et cetera, et cetera, but clearly very disposable?

Quil grins to himself. It’s summer, and he’s bored, but now, he thinks, there’s somewhere that he really needs to go.